Thursday, January 19, 2006

If you buy Coke Zero, you're not just a pathetic loser, you're a pathetic loser in denial

Great article in The Age on the new trend of big multi-nationals employing guerilla tactics their attempts at appealing to to Gen Y "neos". What caught our eye was this spot-on tidbit:

Ron Barnacle, chairman of one of Melbourne's largest advertising agencies, CHE, agrees the days of mass-marketing campaigns are over. Research conducted for CHE last year found that 87 per cent of young people surveyed said they wanted to be different - but not so different that they stood out and didn't belong.

In other words, big corporations and their ad agencies want to help all the soul dead, 9-to-5 working, house-deposit-saving, boat-shoe wearing, Country Road addicted sheep of the world feel like the renegade, socially-aware pioneers of the counter-culture they so desperately aspire to be ... just so long as they don't have to delete the Celine Dion Greatest Hits collection from their iPods. These guys use green enviro bags (they're a bit dorky, but at least everyone's doing it now so that's OK), or donate some change to those whacky Greenpeace dudes (those poor whales!) and perhaps, if they're feeling really rebellious, go out and buy a Green Day album (man, those guys are so crazy with their green hair and rock guitars and controversy and stuff).

But try asking the same 'neos' to stop buying Coke in response to gross human rights violations in Colombia or environmental and public health catastrophes in India. Or to pass on the latest Nikes because you'd rather have your shoes made by somebody who'd at least hit puberty, or wasn't being beaten up at work. Suddenly the 20-40 year old target market that try to read street press (but think it's a little too hardcore) and will only spike their hair if they get to use a $20 bottle of Garnier Fructis product is a little more coy. "We can't save the world." "One pair of Nikes won't matter." "I'm not some kind of crazy Commie or anything like that."

But they might buy into the Coke Zero campaign, because it provides a sanitized notion of rebellious cred that only a slick, multi-million dollar advertising blitz could produce. It's rebellion without the effort. Activism without a cause. Anti-establishmentarianism without the smelly hippies. Counter-culture without the culture.

Every time you don your $80 Che Guevera t-shirt and pick up a Coke Zero not only will everybody watching know that you're a sugar-fearing sissy who doesn't want to look like one, but that you're also a lifeless shill who not only knows you'll spend the rest of your life in Caroline Springs or Springfield Lakes, but that you're relying on a black bottle of Aspartame to convince the world, and yourself, otherwise.

Now that's sad.

40 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, you are one bitter person. Just out of curiousity what do real hard core rebels drink? Water out of the Ghanges? Pure Mountain spring water you brew in your ivory tower?

Just curious.

By the way, your little rant telling people that they're "a pathetic loser in denial" if they drink Coke Zero is the same thing as Coke saying you're anti-establishment if you do.

But I guess it's both advertising, one is for a product the other is for you.

(Although the truth be told, I think this "The Zero Movement Sucks" is really a sham by you crafty kids over at CP+B to generate some buzz around your new campaign. And I guess it's working.)

1:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Che t-shirts and store-bought cred.... ugh. If I see one more dude with a Country Road bag I'm going to chuck.

Good post man.

4:11 PM  
Anonymous Leon said...

Fuck Coke... what were you thinking? What a lame campaign! But Jay, you gotta relax. Repeat after me, "I am calm. I am serene. I am going to my happy place..."

5:54 PM  
Anonymous Rich said...

Maybe it's time we launched the counter-counter-culture? Coke can have its crappy blogs and billboards. btw: I have no idea where Caroline Springs is, but the thought of living there freaks me out!

12:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In simple terms:

Coke taste good.
Coke = Fat therefore no Coke. Me Sad.
Sugar free Coke! Me happy.
Advertising and image. Irrelevant.

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sugar free???
What makes it sweet?
Aspartame-951
Developed "60's as chemical warfare agent Neurotoxin.
Known to inhibit metabolic rate-you'll get fatter using this stuff-don't kid yourself that sugar free is any good. It'a litterally poison .
Do a search on additive 951 and find out for yourself.

11:40 AM  
Anonymous carol said...

hey man don't bag caroline springs.

you can't compare it to the same level at 'drink coke zero to be cool'

1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Aspartame-951
Developed "60's as chemical warfare agent"


Now that sounds like a huge whopper to me. Could you tell me where this comes from? This is how it was discovered according to Wikipedia:

"Aspartame was discovered in 1965 by James M. Schlatter, a chemist working for G.D. Searle & Company. Schlatter had synthesized aspartame in the course of producing an anti-ulcer drug candidate. He discovered its sweet taste serendipitously when he licked his finger, which had accidentally become contaminated with aspartame."

5:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well then, colour me pathetic. i think the ad campaign is lame. i think the anti-ad campaign is lame, although marginally less. whatever. everyone's lame but me... ;)

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where can I get one of them T-shirts that says "I joined the zero movement and all I got was a brain tumor?"

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my fiancee is diabetic, and diet coke is disgusting and pepsi max is disgusting, and coke zero is gross, but not as gross as afore mentioned drinks so it's good for him to have something he can enjoy occasionally. although he'd love to drink the heavy stuff, he's not a pathetic loser for drinking diet drinks. (and for the record he's a type 1 diabetic, he's not a big fatty fatty boombah with type 2 diabetes which is diet related).

although coke is evil corporations, surely it's not as evil as others out there you know making guns and bombs and drugs! hello!

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Kothos said...

Hehe!! I bought a place in Springfield Lakes - but we're not all in the same boat Beetle Bailey. I used to be a commie, but commies don't work. If you want to beat capitalism, you have to join it.

Sure, I don't buy Nike's and I don't buy Coke (much) and I've never had a problem with sugar interfering with my physique, I have my money in ethical investments, and I do read the street press, but I still have a wanky, high-paying job.

However, I totally agree there's a subculture of wankers out there who don't want to look wanky, but insist on doing all those Country Road wearing, green bag carrying wanky things. Shit I've seen people buy those green bags, carry home their groceries and then throw the bag in the bin! Fuckers.

Anyway, cool article. I don't mind that you're bitter at all.

11:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DON'T LIKE IT? DON'T DRINK IT THEN. THIS IS A PATHETIC SITE. YOUR JUST WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME OVER SOME DRINK. DON'T LIKE COKE ZERO? GO AND FUCK YOUR 'LOVED PEPSI.

THE CHEMICALS THEY PUT IN ARE SAFE. THEY GET THEIR DRINKS TESTED BY THOSE HEALTH COMMOMISION AND LICENSED BEFORE THEY CAN RELEASE THE DRINK TO THE PUBLIC. IF YOU SAY IT'S DANGEROUS THEN IT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN RELEASED.

YOUR ALL IDOITS.

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mmmmm. Fake sugar.
Mmmmm. Coke Zero.
It sure beats the hell out of Sprite Zero and Pepsi Max and all those other disgusting sodas.
You don't need to be a pathetic loser in denial to drink something as good as Coke Zero. At least you're not hanging shit on Diet Coke with Vanilla. Now that stuff is goooooood.

3:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Peer pressure all the way, eh?

Only one pathetic around here is YOU. Fucking morons.

4:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who cares ?

the prophet moohamid drinks zero coke

5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your a muslim arent u ?

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

do u all guys have nothing better to do than debate over a can of coke??? u all are pathetic loosers, and most of all, those who actually have spent time building a blog!!! go and get a real job assholes

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go to
http://www.mbm.net.au/health/worst_additives.htm

Check at the info on Aspartame-951, just *slightly* nasty.
Maybe that'll turn you off those artificial sweeteners

12:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go fuck yourself.

9:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

good work mate e951 is very bad for you.your body dosent get rid of it so each sip does you damage.We will see who the real losers are in 20 odd years.In new zealand the govt has banned all suguar drinks in schools but allowed diet ones.1 for the new world order aye.

8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

COKE ZERO IS DISGUSTING & THE ONLY REASON I TRIED IT IS BECAUSE THE STORE GAVE A FREE COUPON FOR IT. BUT I GUESS THEY CAN'T EVEN GIVE THE SHIT AWAY. I STILL HAD TO PAY TAX ON IT. IT'S SO BAD I HAD TO GET ON THE COMPUTER TO LEAVE A COMMENT. I THINK IT TASTES LIKE CLOVES. WHO THE HELL WANTS TO DRINK CLOVES??? NASSSSTY....AND A LONG AFTERTASTE!!
NOW DIET BLACK CHERRY VANILLA IS REAL GOOD BUT YOU CAN'T FIND IT ALL THE TIME & DIET COKE LIME IS PRETTY GOOD TOO. THAT STORE IS GOING TO REFUND ME FOR THAT COKE ZERO. ZERO WHAT AN APPROPRIATE NAME FOR IT, THEN I'M CALLING THE NUMBER ON THE BOTTLE AND EXPRESSING MY DISLIKE TOO. SIGNED: A. STERRITT

7:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

COKE ZERO IS B.A.D.! I CALLED THE # ON THE BOTTLE AND HERE'S WHAT THEY SAID...THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE COKE CLASSIC, (WHICH I HATE TO BEGIN WITH). THEY ARE MIXING TWO DIFFERENT ARTIFICIAL SWEETNERS (LIKE ONE ISN'T BAD ENOUGH)TO TRY TO ACCOMPLISH IT. THEY WOULDN'T TELL ME IF CLOVES WAS ONE OF THE NATURAL INGREDIENTS WHEN THEY SHOULD JUST IN CASE SOMEONE IS ALLERGIC TO IT. MY TONGUE IS BROKE OUT & SWOLLEN, & SO IS MY FACE AFTER TRYING JUST A LITTLE OF IT. BUT IF I LIVE I WILL RECEIVE A COUPON IN THE MAIL FOR A TWO LITER BOTTLE OF COKE SHE SAID. LOL & I SHOULD MENTION RECENTLY I BOUGHT DIET COKE IN CANS AND THE PAINT WAS COMING OFF THE CANS. ALWAYS CHECK CANS AND POUR IN A GLASS, TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO SWALLOWED PAINT!! WHAT'S GOING ON AT COKE?

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For the note I have diabeties type 1.

Aspartame made me sick as fuck for 5 years.

To anyone who thinks sugar free products are safe...

Go ahead and drink it. Don't come crying to me when you're in pain.

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus. It sounds like this cretin has been too much of the sugary soft drinks himself. Basically, I just did a google to see if Coke Zero was safe for diabetics to be greeted by some basement dwelling little moron’s page claiming everyone else be 'a pathetic loser'.

Seriously chum, you sound like some rat brained angry teen with delusions of anti-establishment grandeur. Actually, that’s not true, you just sound like an annoying cunt.

Your mommy’s pendulous udders twitch eagerly for your return.

8:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're such a whiny bitch.
Get your head of your ass and stop screaming for attention.

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah artificial sweeneters aren't good, but neither is sugar. to the guy with diabetes, ever wonder what gave you diabetes in the first place?? LOL. even if it's inherited then your parents must have done something wrong, like having destroyed one too many chocolate bars or cake.

And all those 'nasty' effects of 951, same can be applied to sugar. You feel dizzy and nauseous if you take in too much sugar at once. So just because Coke Zero has zero sugar doesn't mean you should drink it everyday, it's still a soft drink.

12:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FREE COKE ZERO COUPON!!!!!!
CHECK IT OUT!!!!!!!!
http://cokezerocoupon.blogspot.com
who cares if u hate it? get your free 20oz coke zero at this place!!! it tastes better when its free!!!!!
http://cokezerocoupon.blogspot.com

FREEE COKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its coke zero!!!! Who cares?? I drink whatever I want. I like it so I drink it. I don't get caught up in the political fashion show that stupid people are trying to worry about it. They only post stupid rants to try and look cool. Its not cool. You are a wuss and claim to be for nonconformity. Nonconformity is conformity to nonconformity. So ga ahead and say your different, just like everyone else in the world.

5:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love coke :]

10:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm down with all of you who say Fuck Coke!
They dont give a shit about anyone!
They fuck communities over and sell poison to the masses!

Apart from water, can anyone even name one ingredient that is good for you in this toxic can of shit?

If anyone sticks up for Coke/Diet Coke or Zero products you fuckers are Blind! Open your eyes and research the additives.

-Corporate Hater.

8:07 AM  
Anonymous byajero said...

Then if its true then I want to drink pure juices and waters from now on..Urrghh!

by: Hectic Capiznon Bloggers 2009

12:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow..yes i agree you seem very bitter...i must say that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion and most people follow the trend because it's easier that way. Our society has become lazier and more materialistic as technology grows. So if you wonder why the world is so crazy and some people are so lame ...just remember to do what makes you and thoughs you care about happy and fulfills your short life.Who cares if you're drinking coke zero and listening to an ipod while you do it..so long as YOU enjoy it

3:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I drink coke zero because It tastes better then diet coke (IMO) and I need to cut down on the sugar in my diet, what the fuck is your problem?

1:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn you are an asshole. I actually like coke zero. Did you ever think about those people.
I'll be honest, I care what other people think of me, but fucking choice of soda doesn't matter. I don't like regular sodas, and coke zero tastes better then diet coke.

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You suck, your blog sucks, and COKE ZERO is awesome. You are not. You suck fat monkey balls. Four years later and Coke Zero tastes awesome like your mom's vagina.

Die.

2:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It tastes good. I like it. I buy it. Fuck you. End of story.

12:07 PM  
Blogger phil said...

the guy who wrote this is a prick

4:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So yes, Coke Zero is bad for you and to those who are just now finding out and have enjoyed it for a long time, you should stop drinking it. Yes, it's hard and it tastes awesome... but I'd rather you all be healthy. The best thing really to drink is water, milk and SOME fruit juices.
But to the guy who wrote this.... chill dude. I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I honestly don't think you should call faceless people names. And I kind of encourage conformation just as long as it's helping the planet... you seem to be more worried about people copying others and not necessarily the fact that it's (in its own way) saving the environment. I honestly don't see how Coca-Cola Zero got into all of this but conforming for the better good isn't pathetic... some people, as sad as it may seem, are like sheep and HAVE to be led in a certain direction. As many movie cliche's have told us, there are two kinds of people in this world: Leaders and followers.
Chill dude... let people conform if they want... as long as it's not dangerous....
NOW if you were ranting maybe about something that is actually bad.... like say... peer pressure into having sex before they are comfortable with the idea or doing drugs for fun... not like weed but like meth... THEN I would agree with your rant. But I think you chose the coke zero because it was a topic that most people haven't talked about yet.
AGAIN. Take a chill pill and call me in the morning

Sarah- OUT!

8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So yes, Coke Zero is bad for you and to those who are just now finding out and have enjoyed it for a long time, you should stop drinking it. Yes, it's hard and it tastes awesome... but I'd rather you all be healthy. The best thing really to drink is water, milk and SOME fruit juices.
But to the guy who wrote this.... chill dude. I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I honestly don't think you should call faceless people names. And I kind of encourage conformation just as long as it's helping the planet... you seem to be more worried about people copying others and not necessarily the fact that it's (in its own way) saving the environment. I honestly don't see how Coca-Cola Zero got into all of this but conforming for the better good isn't pathetic... some people, as sad as it may seem, are like sheep and HAVE to be led in a certain direction. As many movie cliche's have told us, there are two kinds of people in this world: Leaders and followers.
Chill dude... let people conform if they want... as long as it's not dangerous....
NOW if you were ranting maybe about something that is actually bad.... like say... peer pressure into having sex before they are comfortable with the idea or doing drugs for fun... not like weed but like meth... THEN I would agree with your rant. But I think you chose the coke zero because it was a topic that most people haven't talked about yet.
AGAIN. Take a chill pill and call me in the morning

Sarah- OUT!

8:34 AM  

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